Some people possess a particularly high level of emotional intelligence, while others do not. Which traits are especially typical of the latter can be found here.

The term emotional intelligence generally refers to the ability to perceive emotions and respond to them appropriately — both one’s own and those of others.

Do women have higher emotional intelligence than men?

Many people would instinctively claim: yes.

However, this is not the case. Women may, under certain circumstances, switch more quickly from a rational to an emotional level and may react emotionally more quickly and more intensely. In a professional context, the term “catty behaviour” is often cited as an indicator. But this does not mean that emotional intelligence is higher. Rapid emotional (over)reactions can, in fact, be an indication of lower emotional intelligence. You will notice from the points below that this is not fundamentally an issue of men versus women.

5 signs that help you recognise people with lower emotional intelligence

1. They always need to be right.

Emotional intelligence enables us to understand that other people see the world from a different perspective, and that their viewpoint is just as valid as our own. People who lack emotional intelligence, by contrast, usually consider their own position to be the only correct one. They may also react with strong emotional sensitivity — whether tearful or angry. In conversations, they are often more interested in convincing others than in engaging in genuine exchange, and only feel satisfied once they receive agreement.

2. They hold other people responsible for how they feel.

Those with low emotional intelligence typically struggle to classify their own emotions and to understand where these emotions come from and what role their own attitude plays. They consistently locate the cause of their emotional state in external factors, particularly in how other people treat them. In addition, individuals with a low EQ often find it difficult to set boundaries and to show understanding towards others: they take other people’s behaviour or words personally and cannot imagine that someone might be dealing with something that has nothing to do with them. Questions are frequently misinterpreted, or statements are incorrectly repeated or quoted.

3. They hold grudges.

People with high emotional intelligence are generally able to deal with mistakes wisely and constructively — both their own and those made by others. For this reason, they are capable of forgiveness. By contrast, when someone lacks emotional intelligence, they typically become irritated quite quickly and often disproportionately when things do not go according to their expectations. They may hold this against others for a long time — sometimes only inwardly, as silent resentment. Strong manifestations can be recognised when they become emotionally agitated several times a day and need to calm themselves down. An apology is rare and is more often expected from the other person.

4. They feel attacked very quickly.

Because people with low emotional intelligence struggle to acknowledge other perspectives, they are often easily offended and feel attacked when things do not go the way they want. If someone disagrees with them or expresses criticism, they frequently take it personally and feel hurt. When in doubt, they are more likely to attribute bad intentions to others who get too close to them or unsettle them, rather than considering a misunderstanding or a misinterpretation on their own part.

While men tend to seek confrontation verbally, women are more likely to show hurt and tearfulness, which can help reinforce a self-image of being the victim.

5. They struggle to cope with stress.

Emotional intelligence generally helps us remain balanced and resilient. When we perceive our emotions and respond to them appropriately, unmet needs do not build up and we feel largely content. By contrast, people with a low EQ often live with a sense of lack. They are frequently disoriented, experience strong mood swings and can easily be thrown off balance. Unexpected challenges and stress therefore affect them particularly strongly, and even minor issues can upset them considerably.

Conclusion:

If someone consistently appears balanced, they may be centred within themselves rather than emotionally cold. A high EQ also means having one’s emotions under control and being capable of empathy. One does not exclude the other.

On the other hand, people who react quickly (and intensely) on an emotional level are not any less likeable. This says nothing about how much self-sacrifice or love they are capable of giving. Here too: one does not exclude the other.

No reason to despair if your EQ is lower!

Much like analytical intelligence, emotional intelligence can be trained and developed. What matters most is learning to observe ourselves as well as others, and to recognise both our own emotions and those of other people — along with their triggers.

In this way, we can gradually identify connections and patterns, and increasingly come to understand our own emotional responses — and, as a result, learn how to engage with them and influence them.

The fundamental prerequisite for improving emotional intelligence is therefore curiosity and a genuine interest in ourselves and in other people. Anyone who can meet this prerequisite has already taken the most important step.

Perhaps there is a likeable person in your immediate environment who seems unshakeable, as if nothing could disturb their inner calm. From such people, one can learn a great deal — if one chooses to do so.

The prerequisite, of course, is not to avoid such people, but to seek them out — even if, through their way of being and behaving, they indirectly reveal that we are not fully centred, or that we lose our inner balance quickly and frequently.

On the path towards inner change, there is a danger:

Often, when people realise that they cannot change sufficiently — or at all — despite having wanted to (at least initially), they develop a seemingly simple form of self-healing: the reduction of cognitive dissonance.

This allows them to change nothing. They begin to tell themselves that the frequency and manner of their emotional reactions are perfectly fine — because otherwise they would be suppressing themselves, bottling everything up, becoming emotionally cold, or denying that life is meant to be felt.

And because this is not entirely wrong, it is therefore considered right. This becomes the absolution, the free pass, the apparently easy path — one that does not change situations, but instead causes them to repeat. Again and again.

For this reason, it is worth staying with the process. Again and again. Even over many years.

Anyone who feels addressed by this text is invited to begin their journey towards a greater sense of happiness in life with our coaching package “Tune Up your Life”. We are here for you.